Whenever you get serious about answering a big question like “what should I do with my life?” you start digging. And you soon discover you’re not the first person who thought about that question. Books have been written to answer that question.

Some of the info you’ve heard before. Find you passion, do what you’re good at, meet a need, it’s usually helpful. But when I looked at Shawn Askinosie’s, Meaningful Work, I found something unexpected. A not-so-average nugget of advice for finding and doing work that ultimately connects to your soul. So in this video, I want to cover this attorney-turned-chocolate maker’s tips to discovering your personal purpose.  

Shawn Ashkinosie is a real life Willy Wonka. He details what he did to find the purpose God had for him and he drops chunks of chocolate-coated wisdom that could help in your quest to find out what your calling is. Inside these six steps he gives, there’s one step that comes out of left-field. We’ll get to that, but first let’s meet Shawn. 

Shawn Askinosie was a defense attorney. He tried cases winning freedom for people he believed were innocent of the crimes they were accused of. Here’s Shawn to tell you more.

After a turning point as a lawyer, Shawn began a process of uncovering a deep seated pain he had suppressed for decades. It was the pain of losing his father to cancer at the age of 14. Shawn’s dad died right in front of him. We don’t know the effects death will have on us when someone so close to us dies — especially at a young age.  

Fast forward many years later, Shawn just knew his days of being a lawyer were over after a difficult trial. He kept practicing law for several years while he unwound his practice to do something completely different. It’s an interesting story and if you want to know more, you can check out the TedX Talk in the description or just buy the book.               

But the point in this video is not so much Shawn’s background as it is to see what he did to find his calling or what he thought he should do with his life. I’ve never seen a “find your calling” list quite like this. Maybe it’ll help you. 

Step 1: Don’t try to find it by endless research.

Shawn tells the story somewhere of reading Po Bronson’s What Should I Do With My Life? thinking he would find the answer to his own personal path somewhere in a hidden chapter. He didn’t. He even Googled the question looking for an answer. Maybe you’ve done that. He didn’t find it in the search results either.

Research is good. You’ll learn more with a little research than you will be pondering, hoping, or wishing your way to a better purpose in life. Research can be helpful.  

But I think Shawn’s first step is a good reminder for anyone competent with a search box. Not everything you need to learn will be found on a search engine. For as much we depend on Google for information, Amazon for books (and anything else), Facebook for friends, or YouTube for entertainment, none of them are omniscient. Big Tech doesn’t know everything. Some things you only learn through other means.     

Step 2: Inventory your talents, your passion, and what the world needs.

Step #2 is about self discovery. This is your standard fare in the “find your calling” space. It’s still good, so let’s review it. 

If you’ve lived and worked for a few years, especially if your work history is diverse, you probably have a good idea of things you’re good at and things that are fun or interesting. What are those things that you can do and what are those things you want to do? That’s two circles of a Venn Diagram that Askinosie is drawing. 

What about the third circle? It’s this: what does the world need? What are the world’s needs that could be fulfilled that intersect with your skills and passions? You have the supply of abilities and drive, now what is the demand in the marketplace? If you want to boil down exactly what you should do with your life, it’s in this diagram. Maybe not completely, because there are six other steps. So write down all three of these things: talents, passion, and the world’s needs. Somewhere in the intersection of these items, you will find you were made to do.

But don’t decide anything yet — there are still 4 steps to go.     

Step 3: Begin with your sorrow.

Here’s where things get surprising. In this quest for purpose, the inner life matters as much as what’s on the outside. And this unexpected twist about finding your calling is found in your pain. 

Askinosie quotes poet Kahlil Gibran when he wrote, “Your joy is your sorrow unmasked.” This may be an unfamiliar concept – it was to me. Life can be sorrowful. To Shawn, he was deeply affected by the death of his father. And in his father’s death, he found a way to heal through his service to others. 

Whatever your deepest sorrow is, a dream that didn’t work out, the death of a close family member, or someone close to you… by entering into that sorrow through service to others it may be a way to connect with your greater purpose in life.     

Step 4: Serve selflessly.

After you identify your sorrow, you now know where your service should be directed. Askinosie reminds us it’s not about writing a check. Serving others is about getting connected to needs that relate to your sadness. For him, it was volunteering with a hospital’s palliative care unit. Like hospice, they care for dying patients in hospitals. It’s counterintuitive, but it’s where Shawn found joy. He wrote, “For the first time in my life I found joy transformed from my greatest sorrow. And I also found my true self.” 

So after you identify your sorrow and serve in a way to connect to your sorrow, you may find out who you really are. And it’s in this selfless service that, ironically, you discover who you are. And this is what will connect to what you should do in life according to Askinosie. And once you do, you can pursue something that aligns with your identity. Or as one author puts it, “Do what you are.”   

Step 5: Expect nothing in return.

This next step is intricately tied to the previous step, “Serve selflessly.” In fact, you could say it’s the anticipation (or lack thereof) of the previous step: “Expect nothing in return.” When you serve selflessly, in a way that connects to your sorrow, don’t expect an immediate return. That may be challenging and it was for Shawn as well. He wrote on page 18 and 19:

“It’s good to dwell in this step and do the work without expectation of anything at all. After a few weeks, it’s okay to have expectations. But suspending expectations for even a few seconds will be tough. My technique was to take a few minutes before visiting patients to go to the hospital chapel to center myself.” 

This practice, within the context of service, shouldn’t be surprising. Askinosie quotes a few teachers, including Jesus who said, “If anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me.” (Matthew 16:24) It is in this act of dying to ourselves, removing personal expectations from the service, that we somehow find a path. Or as Jesus instructed, as we deny ourselves and take up our cross (an ancient instrument of torture) that we find who we are and what we are supposed to do.  

Step 6: Discover the internal space where you can ponder your next steps with clarity.

The final step in uncovering your personal vocation is step #6: Discover the internal space where you can ponder your next steps with clarity. It was this final step where Askinosie found what he was going to do next. It was something completely unrelated to his law practice. 

Shawn found ways to unwind from his current work. You’ve already heard about one of them:

• Serving in the palliative care ward at the hospital.
• Personal retreats to Assumption Abbey in Ava, Missouri.
• Exploring his passion in grilling and cooking.
• Prayer

Askinosie tucks away another tidbit of wisdom on page 10. He wrote, “Once I had accepted that I needed to leave law, I prayed a very simple prayer: ‘Dear God, please give me something else to do.’ I prayed it every day, usually repeating it throughout the day. I had no idea just how long I would pray that prayer. It turned out to be five years.”

This is actually something I had in common with Shawn. I prayed a similar prayer, but not nearly as long as he did. Whatever he eventually discovered, Shawn didn’t find it without help. He would tell you God helped him.

It was after employing these different ways to disconnect from his regular responsibilities of work and home that he discovered a new kind of work in chocolate. All the best!